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I gave up every suicidal thought forever., Chinasa Ideli.


Happy Sunday to you all,
like we said lots of inspiring beautiful survival stories coming through,
we use this platform to reform, help, inspire, teach, educate and lecture you with our group therapy, in curbing DEPRESSION & SUICIDE.
you think your story is the worse? think again someone else might want to be the one with your story, lots of love, please feel free to share.
her STORY!
I am the only child and I grew up under very strict conditions, my parents were Christian extremists and conformists

Several times I was called names some for things I did and for things I didn't do.

in the bid to discipline me I was always flogged.

Unconsciously as a little girl I started becoming depressed and suicidal.
Feeling the discipline was too choked up for me as I had a timid nature.

One day, calamity struck
I drank a full bottle of methylated spirit and fainted.

Because mum was a nurse she had techniques to reverse the effect of the spirit on me and then I ended up staying alive.

But I had complications and scan was done and a big ovarian cyst was found right below my ovaries.

So much pain that I felt and I asked why I didn't die.

After that, the discipline pattern continued and the depression kept growing and kept becoming stronger
I became suicidal again and this time I took it to another level, I slit my wrist.

With so much blood everywhere my mum and dad panicked and try stopping the blood from gushing.

Again I survived.
As at the second attempt I was 10 years old and live mattered less to me as I saw myself as a bad child and that was why my parents where always antagonizing me.

During my teenage years, I became a terror, became bitter and hot blooded, my anger level was on gear five and I had terrible mood swings.

One day I almost stabbed dad because of my quick and hot temperament.

I was being beaten and talked down on at any slightest provocation by my parents and this provoked me the more.

One day, I asked them "was I adopted? "
They were shocked
I had to ask because I needed answers.

I got so much rules like
No wearing of trousers
No make-up
No parties
I couldn't wear even shorts.
(Look at me now, I now wear them without them even raising a finger at me)
Did I tell you my ear wasn't pierced?

The third time I attempted suicide was when my then boyfriend married his ex-girlfriend, I didn't see that coming.
It was as if my whole life came to a halt, then I came face to face with depression again.
And I couldn't tell anyone, I don't have parents that are liberal
And I don't have elder ones to talk to, no friends as well, so I bottled everything up inside and when it exploded, I couldn't control myself I became very bitter and angry, then I took overdose of the most dangerous drugs

Yet again, I woke up in the hospital
I was alive!
I cried so bitterly to that reality, then I asked why he didn't want to take me
I asked God the use of my existence.
I shook with so much pain; I was ready to die that was all that mattered.

I moved on with my unquenchable life full of pain, regrets, bitterness, so much anger bottled up.

I attempted suicide the fourth and final time, this time I mixed different poisonous substances because at this time, my parents became extra conscious about leaving sharp objects around the house, they hid the drugs as well, so I came up with a plan and I executed it. Blood gushing out of my mouth, the pain I felt couldn't be comprehended all I saw was death.

Blackout!

Then I woke up, again and
I gave up every suicidal thought forever.

It was obvious I am alive for an inevitable purpose.

I have forgiven my parents for all they made me go through because I felt they we're ignorant and thought they we're disciplining me, they never knew that that form if discipline they adopted was giving me adverse effect to my psychology.

I thank the almighty God, for his mercies, for spearing my life over and over again, He kept on giving me chances to live.

To everyone out there facing one challenge or the other, facing different depressing moments, stay strong, IT IS NOT OVER UNTIL YOU CONQUER.

I conquered!
I am currently in final year, studying biochemistry.

I and my parents are now in good terms, they understand me better than anyone now.

I am a counselor, trying to change people's perceptive about committing suicide, trying to save as many young ones as I can.

Please I urge you all to be happy, keep staying strong, and never give up.

You are a blessing to someone never forget that.

Comments

Oge said…
God bless your soul. I like the fact that you said 'last suicidal attempt.' His thoughts for you are good. Bless you sis

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