HAPPINESS
You already
know what to do to increase your happiness. Now get unstuck and do it!
You know a
zillion things you could do to feel better, to increase your happiness and to
get more of what you want, and yet you don’t do them.
You want to
lose weight but you don’t change what you’re eating. You want to be
creative, but you zombie out in front of a computer screen instead. You
want a deeper and more fulfilling relationship with your partner, but you avoid
talking about what you’re feeling.
You, and most
of us.
Habit. What a blessing and
a curse habit is; a well worn road in the brain that requires little attention
or effort to execute a behavior. Habits of action and habits of thinking make
much of our day automatic and efficient, until you want to make a change.
Change requires intention, effort and time.
Fear.
You may not think you’re fearful — why would you be scared of doing
something that’s good for you, that you know will benefit you? — but dig a
little deeper and you’ll usually come across a voice in your head that whispers
(or screams), “Don’t rock the boat! You might make things worse!” This is the
voice of inertia, of status quo, of keeping you safe by keeping you the same.
Slowing Down Is Like Dying. Yes, to make a sustainable
change you have to slow down in order to create new neural pathways, which in
time become new habits. And slowing down in our stressed-out, hyper-drive lives
is like approaching death.How so? When we slow down, our feelings, our thoughts
and our ailments catch up with us and we’re confronted with the undone and
unexamined parts of our lives that we would rather ignore. How many times have
you or a co-worker gotten sick on your vacation? Great example of the physical
catching up once the adrenals that keep you going are given a break. Have you
tried meditating but found yourself uncomfortable with your mind chatter or
uncomfortable feelings? Rather not look back? Exactly.
3
Simple Steps to Improve Your Self-Confidence
On to the good news. Here are three keys to getting into
action and making meaningful changes in your life.
1. Know Your Why
To overcome habit, fear and momentum, you need a powerful
ally: meaning. Research shows that meaning is a key component of happiness and
that being happy is essential to reaching our goals.
So investigate and articulate your “why.”
Wanting to lose weight to be “skinny” or a size “X” is
not meaningful and emotionally compelling, but wanting to lose weight to have
energy to play with your grandkids is.
Answer these questions to clarify the unique and personal
reasons that you want to change:
What will you be able to do that you can’t do now?
Why does it matter to you?
What will you feel when you’ve accomplished your goal?
Write down your meaning statement and put it in the places
that you’ll need to be reminded when habit may kick in. Stick on the TV screen
if your intention is to create instead of veg out. Stick it on the fridge if
your goal is to change your eating habits.
2. Get Committed and Get Specific.
Are you committed to the change you want? If not, then
let yourself off the hook. The next time the
thought, “I should be…” passes through your mind, simply
respond, “Oh yeah, I’m not committed to that. I can stop beating myself up
about it because it’s not important to me.”
What exactly do you want and by when? Imagine that your
brain is like a computer running programs — if the programs are sloppy, the
performance is sloppy, as memory and energy are tied up trying to generate
unclear outcomes.
Go from “I’d like to be painting after work” to “I’m
committed to creating 3 new paintings by the end of the year.”
Draw an imaginary commitment line on the floor. The side
you’re on is the uncommitted side. As you step over the line, state your
commitment out loud. Own it.
Write down your commitment and re-read it at the same
time every day, preferably in the morning. This primes your mind to make it
happen.
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3. Get Support.
We’re told we “should” be able to make all the changes we
want on our own. We’re sold on independence and autonomy. We imagine that
others have done it on their own. Truth is that all the successful people out
there got help, from friends, family, co-workers, religious communities,
mentors or coaches.
We’re social creatures and we’re each like fish in our
own water: Ask a fish how the water is and he’ll reply, “What’s water?” We
simply can’t see ourselves from the outside. We’re blind to ourselves in many
ways and need each other as mirrors, for empathy and as cheerleaders.
As we’re confronted by those emotions we’ve been trying
to outrun, we need a safe person or community where we can reveal our inner
experiences, be received and move through them.
Support comes in many forms, be it a buddy, a group or a
coach. If you’re serious about change, get serious about getting consistent
support.
Do it!
Grab your paper and pen and write down one thing you’re
committed to changing before this year ends.
Write down why it matters to you specifically.
Imagine it’s December 31st and you have accomplished your
goal — write down how you feel.
Lastly, write down who you are going to enroll for
support.
Now smile.
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