Handling Social Rejection, Mistakes,Hurts & Set
backs.
An obstacle that prevents many people from improving their
social skills and going after the life they want is that they fear REJECTION.
They fear being embarrassed in the process of getting turned down. They fear
getting the message that THEY'RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH. They fear having to feel
worse about themselves. They fear making a mistake or experiencing a setback
that will bring feelings of discouragement and unworthiness.
It's something that everyone struggles with. If you remain
overly afraid of rejection your life will stagnate. Too many of the things you
need to do to improve your social success have an element of risk to them.
Starting conversations with people, expressing your opinions, and inviting
people to hang out are just a few.
This won't be some unrealistic article that will try to tell you
that rejection and mistakes are no big deal and that you can learn to
completely get over being bothered by them. IT HURTS TO BE REJECTED OR SUFFER A SETBACK.
We all get nervous when we have to put ourselves out there. No one is totally
able not to care. However, some people are better able to handle rejection than
others. They can bounce back from it
quicker, are able to frame it more constructively, and don't let it affect
their self-image as much
- How
you'll naturally become more able to handle rejection as you have more
success
- Dealing
with your fear of rejection
- Ways
to recover from a rejection once one happens to you
I'll talk about dealing with specific instances where you put
yourself out there to ask something of someone and they turn you down. This
other article is about coping with a more general negative opinion of you that
you know is out there:
Traits of people who aren't great at dealing with rejection
People who have a hard time with
social rejection tend to have a lot of the following apply to them:
- They've decided
their self-esteem hinges on becoming more socially successful. Every
rejection, mistake, or setback rocks them to the core and makes them feel
flawed and unworthy.
- They feel all
rejection is horrible, and that ideally they shouldn't ever be rejected by
anybody. They feel they have to make everyone they meet like and accept
them.
- They think their
rejections will haunt them forever and hinder their future efforts. They
think they'll be humiliated in the moment, everyone will know what
happened, and that they'll never be able to live it down.
- They think one or a
handful of rejections are a sign that their situation is hopeless and they
should give up.
- They're not
necessarily the world's most popular people, but they've had success in
the social world. They have friends. They know they're well-liked by at
least some people. They've received direct evidence that they're not
irreparably flawed. They 'know' they're worthy and feel they no longer
have anything to prove. If someone rejects them they've had the life
experience where they can truly think, "Whatever, I've already had
friends who are way better than this person. I'm not going to lose sleep
over them not wanting to hang out."
- They've been
rejected and made mistakes before many times and have seen firsthand that
they can survive it, and that it doesn't ultimately get in the way of
their having the social life they want. Past experience has told them that
if they keep at it, they'll hit their goals eventually.
- They realize some
rejections are a good thing, like if a bigot rejects them for being
non-prejudiced.
- They realize no one
else cares all that much if they get rejected. They may even admire them
for having the guts to risk going after what they want.
- They see every 'no'
as one step forward towards them getting a 'yes'.
- They see rejection
as an opportunity to gain feedback and learn from their mistakes.
Facing your fear
of rejection
Like with other types of fears,
the best way to get past a fear of rejection is to face it and learn firsthand
that you can handle it. This article and this article go into more detail. Put
yourself in situations where there's a risk of rejection, starting with ones
that feel easier and more manageable, and work your way up. No one ever fully
kills off their discomfort with getting rejected, but they can get much better
at facing it.
When you confront your fear of
rejection, by definition that means you're going to be getting rejected more.
Farther down I talk about some approaches to feeling better after that happens.
You'll need to use those strategies. You've got to get yourself used to being
in situations where you risk rejection, but you've also got to be able to have
a healthy, ultimately beneficial response to it when it happens. If you don't,
and you still take a negative message from being turned down, all the
additional rejections can just make you feel worse about yourself.
Your attitude towards being
rejected can change once you purposefully start working on it
Expect rejection and prepare for it.
People get scared of what they don’t understand; now when people
see me they have 4 thoughts
·
DO I FEEL SORRY FOR HIM?
·
THIS MUST BE FIRE, ACCID, GAS or WHATEVER!
·
DO I JUST KEEP OFF THE WAY AND LET HIM PASS? EVENTHO HE WANTS TO
TALK TO ME OR BE FRIENDS WITH ME, LET ME GIVE HIM I DON’T CARE ATTITUDE?
·
WOW CUTE DUDE HOW I WISH I CAN HEAR HIS STORY?
So with these thoughts going on in their minds all I do is to
get ready for anyone you will tend to exhibit.
Rejection often
isn't as bad as you imagine it will be
Don't get me wrong, I totally
realize some rejections are hard to take, and right below this point I give
several suggestions for dealing with them. Sometimes though we'll dread a
possible rejection ahead of time, but in the moment when it actually happens,
it doesn't hit us as hard as we thought it would. Our response is more,
"Oh...oh, okay then. I guess they don't want to be friends", rather
than, "Agh, this is horrible! I can't stand it!" You may also find
your attitude toward the rejector quickly morphs to an annoyed or indifferent
one, instead of your feeling dejected; "well I have felt it not 1 or 2
times but many time and guess what I cried but it got me going and here am my
own team. And you can’t take that from you because I leant how to be with
myself and handle my social life’s dilemma .
Keep pursuing
other prospects
Just tell your mind yes I have been rejected in this and I know it’s
for a purpose and if its Gods wish let it be and also take me to another realm
in life and dear let me tell you something just keep moving and working hard on
your social life, move on with your life and try to be happy, it will work out someday at a time.
Re-frame the
rejection and see what value you can get from it
This is what actually brought
about my blog creation I taught I was the worst kind I felt down neglected,
rejected, self-pity did set in! tried so much to associate with people but they
drop me off from their path because I
couldn’t be like them and here I am
trying to inspire the whole world with this my life experiences and a
hopeful
Give yourself
credit for trying, and having the guts to take a risk.
For example in my life now when I try to be friends with people I
like or admire due to some certain issues best known to them they tend to name
me inferior to them because of some physical attribute’s but I do give my self-credits
for been out to actually say what’s on my mind out to them so that’s how life
is really all about.
Try to get outside
feedback if you keep getting rejected and don't know why
Some people feel like they're
constantly being rejected, even when they try to correct their mistakes, and
they can't put a finger on why. I think if something like this has been
happening to you it's best to seek some outside advice. You may have some blind
spots that you need someone else to point out. It's best to ask someone who can
observe you in person, rather than putting an "I don't know what I'm doing
wrong" post up on a message board, where the other forum members won't
have much more information to go on than you do. If you have a friend or family
member you feel you can ask, you can go them. Not everyone is comfortable
giving people potentially hurtful feedback though. It could also be useful to
hear the thoughts of a professional
counselor.
You can also
look out for some of our works at www.officialkosy.blogspot.com
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